Meet the humans we hired. (Okay, fine… the humans we tolerate.)
Welcome to The Opposable-Thumb Department, where we — the Chaos Crew — proudly present the humans who serve us daily with their thumbs, their labor, and their highly questionable decision-making skills.
These humans are responsible for:
- opening cans
- hauling food
- scooping litter
- transporting us to the vet
- rescuing the spicy newcomers
- keeping us alive
- surviving our nonsense
They can’t jump like us, groom like us, or hiss as eloquently as us, but they make up for it by having thumbs, cars, and credit cards, which are extremely useful tools.
Each staff member will be introduced by one of their cats — because no human is qualified to write their own bio. Obviously.
So scroll down, meet the humans, admire their cats (the important part), and learn why each one has earned a position in the Opposable-Thumb Department.
We don’t let just anyone in.
(Except Chaos Coordinator. He kind of showed up out of nowhere!)
Onsite Staff
He is our Can Man, our Litter Lifter, our Food Mule, and our Resident Curmudgeon with a Heart of Gold.
He pretends to be antisocial, but WE are his people. He opens endless cans, hauls heavy bags, and mutters about “too many cats” while simultaneously giving us the biggest portions. We love him. As long as he doesn’t let anyone else into our private domain!
He’s our Medicine Man — the one who never misses a dose, never forgets a schedule, and somehow manages to medicate cats who hiss at a butterfly farting 18 states away.
He handles the spicy ones like a seasoned wizard. He feeds us outside with military precision.
If your tummy hurts or your meds are due? This is the guy.
He doesn’t get to be here as often (something about “school” and “a job”), but when he DOES come around, he tames beasts. He turned Boo and Biscuit into functioning citizens. When he chooses a cat to tame, that cat melts into a puddle of trust.
We don’t know how he does it.
Magic? Probably.
He looks us in the eye and says, “Do it.”
Then watches.
Then laughs.
He helps feed us, stirs the trouble pot, and encourages the gremlins to be their worst selves.
His personal cat is Mischief, which explains everything.
Mom does everything except litterboxes (that’s Can Man territory). She organizes the chaos, solves emergencies, cuddles whoever needs cuddling, and speaks “feral” like it’s her first language. Honestly, she’s about as feral as the worst of us — hissing at inconvenience, hiding from people, and thriving on minimal sleep. We don’t give her a fancy title because…
She’s Mom.
The End.
Grandma can’t pick us up (the sneezing is impressive), but she talks to us like we’re students in her classroom. She would absolutely teach cats to read books, if only we would sit still. She checks the PO Box because the staff keeps forgetting, and she brought us Rusty because he climbed into her car and refused to leave.
She understood the assignment.
We love her endlessly.
Off-site Staff
The magical human who appears whenever a wild whisker needs help. She feeds our feral friends in the wild, is an experienced veterinary assistant, and fosters the medical cases that are beyond our sanctuary’s abilities. Whether a cat is scared, sick, or completely feral, she somehow brings comfort and calm like a little cat-loving enchantress.
We don’t know how her magic works… but we are very glad it does and the Chaos Crew loves her dearly!
The human who specializes in the smol, the squeaky, the fragile, and the feral-adjacent. Bottle babies, sick babies, spicy babies, confused babies… she takes them all, and she treats every single kitten with a mix of bravery, respect, and soft-hearted feral energy.
The kittens trust her immediately.
We do too.
She’s one of our besties, whether she admits it or not.